Little Joey

jsavages@excite.com — Tue, 23 Apr 2002 03:27:34 GMT

if anybody wishes to follow any of my progress through my journal, go here
although there aren't as many updates there either.

jsavages@excite.com — Mon, 28 Jan 2002 16:25:41 GMT

it's joey's logon screen: toastalicious

woohoo for 'waste not want not'

jsavages@excite.com — Sun, 11 Nov 2001 04:45:49 GMT

A MODEST PROPOSAL FOR PREVENTING THE CHILDREN OF POOR PEOPLE IN IRELAND FROM BEING A BURDEN TO THEIR PARENTS OR COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM BENEFICIAL TO THE PUBLIC

It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags and importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants: who as they grow up either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.
I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom a very great additional grievance; and, therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making these children sound, useful members of the commonwealth, would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.

But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the children of professed beggars; it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age who are born of parents in effect as little able to support them as those who demand our charity in the streets.

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of other projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in the computation. It is true, a child just dropped from its dam may be supported by her milk for a solar year, with little other nourishment; at most not above the value of 2s., which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such a manner as instead of being a charge upon their parents or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall on the contrary contribute to the feeding, and partly to the clothing, of many thousands.

There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent among us! sacrificing the poor innocent babes I doubt more to avoid the expense than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman breast.

The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from which number I subtract thirty thousand couples who are able to maintain their own children, although I apprehend there cannot be so many, under the present distresses of the kingdom; but this being granted, there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident or disease within the year. There only remains one hundred and twenty thousand children of poor parents annually born: the question therefore is, how this number shall be reared and provided for, which, as I have already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture; we neither build houses (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing, till they arrive at six years old, except where they are of towardly parts, although I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier, during which time, they can however be properly looked upon only as probationers, as I have been informed by a principal gentleman in the county of Cavan, who protested to me that he never knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.

I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl before twelve years old is no salable commodity; and even when they come to this age they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and half-a-crown at most on the exchange; which cannot turn to account either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of nutriment and rags having been at least four times that value.

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.

I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the hundred and twenty thousand children already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one-fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle or swine; and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in the sale to the persons of quality and fortune through the kingdom; always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.

I have reckoned upon a medium that a child just born will weigh 12 pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, increaseth to 28 pounds.

I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title to the children.

Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet, there are more children born in Roman Catholic countries about nine months after Lent than at any other season; therefore, reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of popish infants is at least three to one in this kingdom: and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage, by lessening the number of papists among us.

I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, laborers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend or his own family to dine with him. Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants; the mother will have eight shillings net profit, and be fit for work till she produces another child.

Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.

As to our city of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.

A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased in discoursing on this matter to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said that many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that the want of venison might be well supplied by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen years of age nor under twelve; so great a number of both sexes in every country being now ready to starve for want of work and service; and these to be disposed of by their parents, if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with due deference to so excellent a friend and so deserving a patriot, I cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my American acquaintance assured me, from frequent experience, that their flesh was generally tough and lean, like that of our schoolboys by continual exercise, and their taste disagreeable; and to fatten them would not answer the charge. Then as to the females, it would, I think, with humble submission be a loss to the public, because they soon would become breeders themselves; and besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to censure such a practice (although indeed very unjustly), as a little bordering upon cruelty; which, I confess, hath always been with me the strongest objection against any project, however so well intended.

But in order to justify my friend, he confessed that this expedient was put into his head by the famous Psalmanazar, a native of the island Formosa, who came from thence to London above twenty years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that in his country when any young person happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality as a prime dainty; and that in his time the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison the emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty's prime minister of state, and other great mandarins of the court, in joints from the gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use were made of several plump young girls in this town, who without one single groat to their fortunes cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appear at playhouse and assemblies in foreign fineries which they never will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse.

Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken to ease the nation of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is very well known that they are every day dying and rotting by cold and famine, and filth and vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as to the young laborers, they are now in as hopeful a condition; they cannot get work, and consequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a degree that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labor, they have not strength to perform it; and thus the country and themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.

I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.

For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the principal breeders of the nation as well as our most dangerous enemies; and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many good protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country than stay at home and pay tithes against their conscience to an Episcopal curate.

Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable to distress and help to pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and money a thing unknown.

Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand children, from two years old and upward, cannot be computed at less than ten shillings a-piece per annum, the nation's stock will be thereby increased fifty thousand pounds per annum, beside the profit of a new dish introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom who have any refinement in taste. And the money will circulate among ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own growth and manufacture.

Fourthly, The constant breeders, beside the gain of eight shillings sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first year. Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns; where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing it to perfection, and consequently have their houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating: and a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as they please.

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards or enforced by laws and penalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of mothers toward their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by the public, to their annual profit instead of expense. We should see an honest emulation among the married women, which of them could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become as fond of their wives during the time of their pregnancy as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, their sows when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.

Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barreled beef, the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a well-grown, fat, yearling child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at a lord mayor's feast or any other public entertainment. But this and many others I omit, being studious of brevity.

Supposing that one thousand families in this city would be constant customers for infants flesh, besides others who might have it at merry meetings, particularly weddings and christenings: I compute that Dublin would take off annually about twenty thousand carcasses, and the rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.

I can think of no one that will possibly be raised against this propasal, unless it should be urged that the number of people will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and it was indeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the reader will observe, that I calculated my remedy for this one individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon earth. Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using neither clothes, nor household furniture, except what is our own growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments that promote foriegn luxury: Of curing the expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence, and temperance: Of learning to love our country, wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Tompinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor act any longe like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our country and consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at least one degree of mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit of honesty, industry, into our shopkeepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the measure and goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair propasal of just dealing, though often and ernestly invited to it.

Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the likes expedients, till he hath at least a glimpse of hope that there will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them in practice. But as to myself, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly dispairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this propasal, which as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expense and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will not bear exportation, the flesh being of too tender a consistence to admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country that would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.

After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion as to reject any offer proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, as things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for an hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, there being a round million of creatures in human figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock would leave them in debt two millions of pounds sterling, adding those who are beggars by profession to the bulk of farmers, cottagers, and laborers, with their wives and children who are beggars in effect: I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold as to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have been sold for food, at a year old in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes as they have since gone through by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable prospect of entailing the like or greater miseries upon their breed for ever.

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children by which I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and my wife past child-bearing.

jsavages@excite.com — Sat, 10 Nov 2001 06:52:28 GMT

not much has happened recently which has driven me to write. but krissyeten and i just finished this great binge. during which we found that the majority of my seven thousand dollar bank account (which i gained access to three years ago) is down to a pittance of three hundred dollars. when we went to the ATM on saturday, kay's quote was "holy fuck joey, how did you manage that?!" and to be honest, i was thinking the same thing...
either way, we spent almost all of saturaday making rounds collecting everything and wasting one and a half tanks of gas in the process.
thats what i like about that group of people that society deems as "loosers", "freeloaders", or "potheads". they occupy themselves with the search for a good time, and whilst all the other empty-headed-entertainment-driven-brats are searching for the next fight, or the next best movie, the next self-indulging entertainment.
...kris and i are looking for a good time, perhaps thats self-indulgence as well, but not to the point where we entertain ourselves with others.
because she understands what it means to relax. sometimes its eerie how well she understands me, its as if we speak the same languagge. all i need to utter is a "meh" and she'll say "good idea, you get the lighter".

either way we broke out some ketamine capsuls, left with a good fifty milligrams to ourselves. fifty mgs, which was just enough to give us the airy headed buzzing sensation, but none of the delelirium, or the hallucinations that you'd get with PCP. it leaves you somewhere between ripped, and sober. after a few hours though, the vodka took its effect and somebody ate all of the ectasy tablets, as well as the doriden, vicodin, a blunt and a truly evil pair of wetsticks.
i can't recall who took what, but some entity smoked the wetsticks -i vaguely remember shaking- so i wouldn't be too suprised if it was me. i never usually take wetsticks, usually because their side effects can be so adverse, you never really know if this time you'll be blown away, or you'll end up vomiting.
being high is the greatest sensation in the world, you feel giddy, and everything becomes more extraordinary, the colors, the smells. they all bring back vivid memories of food, and your stomache feels like an empty chasm. suddenly these conversations arise, which you can recall a few months later like:

"yeah man, i read somewhere that moose can be some really fucking mean animals"
"oh totally, i heard that mooses can be as dangerous as polarbears..."
"thats because nobody gives the moose the respect it deserves"
"mooses"
"mooses? damn, whats the plural for moose?"
"mooses"
"meeses"
"mieces"
"mice!"
"mice?! no, you loose i think its meese, just like geese but--its meese..."
"...."
"...."
"hey, is there a jacknthebox near by?"

now those are the good times, they're cherishable, and amusing. furthermore, i can't recall any other time in my life where high-pitched tittering has been so much fun.

aaaaahh yes life is good when you only concerning yourself with the present time.
speaking of living, krissy if you by chance are reading this. i crave my pink floyd, and frampton cd's, and that damned asprin bottle.
yo shanaquai needs em back...

I'M ASSPECIALLY GOOD!

jsavages@excite.com — Fri, 19 Oct 2001 01:06:06 GMT

joey has come to the fact that, there isn't a formal "WORD OF THE DAY" entry.
yet there SHOULD be. (atleast in light of recent events.)
SO!
here's the word of the day:

ASS!!!

ass (s)
n. Vulgar Slang pl. ass?es (sz)

The buttocks.
The anus.
Sexual intercourse.

sounds good to say, huh?

i'm sorry to hear that your grandmother has a big ass but i'm sure to you, aSs isn't all that matters..

hehehehehehhehe asssssssssss

thank god for real news

jsavages@excite.com — Tue, 16 Oct 2001 02:12:16 GMT

Rumsfeld Lobbied FDA Approval of Toxic Aspartame

by RM NEWS

(Editor's note: Bush just appointed another unindicted criminal, Donald Rumsfeld, as Secretary of Defense.

From Secretary of Defense under Gerald Ford to Chairman and CEO of G.D. Searle (makers of aspartame), to White House Chief of Staff to Congressman to the board of directors of Amylin Pharmaceuticals, among other things, this man is apparently really qualified to take over the position of head of dirty works.

His connections to Ford, Rockefeller, Bush, Cheney, Kissinger, etc. make him an ideal insider choice.

From the following website comes this tidbit and much more:

ARTIFICIAL SWEETENER ASPARTAME (EQUAL, NUTRASWEET) LINKED TO BREAST CANCER AND GULF WAR SYNDROME

http://www.aspartamekills.com/mpvalley/

"On June 1, 1977, Donald Rumsfeld became Chairman and CEO of G.D. Searle.

Rumsfeld, straight out the White House as Gerald Ford's Secretary of Defense and before that his Chief of Staff, was a heavy gun for Searle to secure FDA approval of aspartame (Equal, NutraSweet).

you fear the wrong things.

jsavages@excite.com — Mon, 15 Oct 2001 02:13:05 GMT

eh, to assague qualms on this whole situation.
colleges tend to enjoy good scores. but often seek out students with potential, or consistancy.
though, there may yet be hope for you christina. not only is it well known that the majority of juniors don't excell on the PSAT (you are a junior, correct?). but i hear that many prestegious colleges are no longer looking for the well-rounded rennissance child. they are looking for students with particular talents. i should think its already apparent that you have a stregnth in english. it may possibly even be your forte, yet i don't know.

furthermore, this is probably information you're well aware of. but i'll recite it for my own peace of mind...
in regards to the SATs, you can take it more than once. only the highest scores are sent off to colleges.
however, i've never ventured to take those tests twice, so i can't vouch for this from personal experiance. yet i do know that only your top scores are sent off to the colleges.

now leaving all that aside, my personal advice to you is to avoide placing too much value upon the status of a diploma. and don't fret so much its just an education.

(my mom refuses to part with any of these, she has them stowed away in some indistinct manilla folder holding other bits of personal "joey" information.)
now let this be proof that grades do not make the person, but the passion to wield that power at their advantage:

ACT (over all)-35

PSAT-(over all)-235
math score: 80
verbal score: 76
writing score: 79

SAT-(over all)-1589
math score: 800
verbal score: 789

roar! grrarrr! meow!!

jsavages@excite.com — Sun, 14 Oct 2001 19:54:41 GMT

BACK TO WRITING NORMALLY AGAIN!

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<color=red>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<B>BACK TO WRITING NORMALLY AGAIN!
<color=red> AND LIFE RESUMES IT'S COURSE! BBAA DAAAA DA DAAA!</COLOR></B>

<i>The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force issued a statement Thursday responding to antigay remarks made earlier in the day by the Rev. Jerry Falwell on the Christian news show The 700 Club. When host Pat Robertson asked Falwell to comment on Tuesday's terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington, D.C., Falwell went on a tirade, naming all the groups he deems responsible for setting the stage for such an event to happen: "The ACLU's got to take a lot of blame for this...throwing God out successfully with the help of the federal court system, throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools. The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle...all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen.'" </i>

I have decided in my ultimate wisdom after no more than 4 minutes of research into my new friend Jerry, that this man is a walking crock of steaming shit spewing religious hatred.

I absolutely love religious extremists. They love to point fingers and criticize and judge all whom they disagree with, but have never ONCE put themselves before their 'god' and questioned themselves and actions.

I like to use my grandparents as an example. They are catholic and raised my mother to be catholic. Naturally, she eventually rebelled and chose not to be an active church goer any more. In turn, I have not spent much time at church myself while growing up. And my grandparents don't like me. They sent me a bible every christmas for 6 years. I eventually used them for rolling papers.

At the age of 14, I was taken to a catholic church for Sunday services with my friends family. During the sermon, I was looking at the Donation Slips and wondered why a church would be asking for my money. So, naturally, I filled out the donation slip for $1,000,000.00 and dropped in the beggars bowl (I don't know what else to call it)

Half way through this wonderous experience. I was dragged out of the church by my friends parents, and they took me home. The church did not find my sense of humor very funny.

I never understood why they wanted my money. The church was in great shape.

I don't understand the nature of hatred that brews within religious people. It's the largest cause of death ever. WAR.

So. After my whole 4 minutes of research into this knowitall 'speaker of god'.

I'd like to let Mr. Jerry Falwell know something.

Dear Mr. Falwell,
Perhaps one day we can meet so that we can discuss some of your views upon the world. I believe I have quite a few points that you should learn about. Please allow me to elaborate.

My first point would involve me pointing my finger at you for everything bad that happens in the world. You seem to enjoy doing this a little bit too much. Have you ever wondered if you might be going against the wishes of god by acting like an ignorant asshole?

My second point would involve me taking all of your money from you and your organization and donating it to the victims of these recent terrorist attacks. You dont need money to preach the word of god. Just paint and varnish to keep your church in good shape. Maybe some cheap boxed wine and triscuts for communion. The rest of you and your organizations money is for personal gain and the opportunity to force your views upon others.

My third point would really piss you off. I would censor you and your preaching. I would limit your freedom of speech so that you know what it truly feels like to be silenced. You seem to enjoy the silencing of others. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Although I am not well versed in religion and the concepts within, I am aware of the seven deadly sins. You sir, need to get a handle on your Anger/Wrath and go pick some flowers or something.

-Joey

jsavages@excite.com — Fri, 12 Oct 2001 22:52:33 GMT

HOY VAY!
i'm so poopular!

jsavages@excite.com — Fri, 12 Oct 2001 22:40:15 GMT

wow i look reallyshort there.
momma should have named me Gimpy

aint no taste like the taste of green

jsavages@excite.com — Sun, 07 Oct 2001 03:41:51 GMT

ugh, tapioca pudding-powder.
made instantly-
a talent only god can posess?
they say chocolates are better than sex,
i'm wondering where i can buy some of those.

damn them pepsi colas.

morons

jsavages@excite.com — Sun, 07 Oct 2001 03:37:49 GMT

this is outrageous, simply outrageous. the teacher here isn't much of what one would call a "teacher" as much as a parrot. she just doesn't demonstrate the concepts in class in more than one way. its a "read page seventy-six in your text book" monotony.

i've spent so much wasted hours in this class, and the fact that the others here can't even fathom the basis of lead lag algorithms so irritating. for the past week, i've had to choke down a thermos of hot water, and a valium (hot water makes the valium's effect more immediate) but even THEN i'm lolling about at my seat in sheer boredom. come on, even lead-lag frequency response is as easy as understanding photosynthesis. (by the way, anybody who doesn't understand photosynthesis should be taken out back and shot.)
first order differential equations with a0 a1 b0 and b1, understanding that they are symmetrical. with no definitive directionality.
ITS SO SIMPLE!
>_<
man, sometimes i just loose my tolerance with all this.
i mean, damnit, at least i got some sort of social stimulation where i once was. i mean, hey... there's this guy in my class named arthur (imagine that) and he's such a doofer, he remains in this class despite the fact that he doesn't have the basics of math down.

frustration
blundering
shoot me now.

at school. in class. tweaky tweak narcissism

jsavages@excite.com — Fri, 05 Oct 2001 14:51:23 GMT

AAAAARRGH!
boredom is rapidly exceeding practicality.

disturb(ed)ing fee_males, velvet underground, and lack there of.

jsavages@excite.com — Tue, 02 Oct 2001 05:23:12 GMT

well, this is the ultimate low. i forfeited all remaining little pink uppers, hits of acid, and an abundance of suppressants. well, that was my humanity..empty...shallow..humanity.
that was my generosity. now i'm left with this vacancy, and the whir whir whir of a nordic track. really, its a lie, its not in fact whirring, it's having an in depth conversation about the impending doom of humanity. i respond, but i think there would have been more content, had i those little half pea-green, and half creme colored capsuls in my system right now.
but, i submitted them to a friend in need. i suppose this self-centered behavior is dangerous, yet i'm under the impression that, life simply behaves that way... selfishly that is.
she needed them, i need to write that down, and post it.
i don't know whats wrong with her, it might have been years of exposure to me. however i provided her with advice, selflessly.
instructions to take the pills on a whim, whenever one felt compelled.
vomiting ensues occasionally, but she claims that in contrast, is better?
i suppose, being joseph savoi i'm not one to speak.
yet i say to myself 'how odd'
how odd, we turn our backs. yet seek help soon thereafter.
the contradictory behavior of it all leaves me irate.
smooth velvet underground tunes. sounds from a better generation, time.
time warp.
with out The Pink.
i'm lost in Solid Reality.
no more Abstract Thoughts for me.

i suppose its back to reading.
herman melville, captin ahab and that fierce white whale...
i loved my childhood.

jsavages@excite.com — Sun, 30 Sep 2001 06:51:47 GMT

i got style
yes i doo
i got style
how about yOoOOooooOOoo?!
yeah, tasha let me keep her abercrombie shirt, and it has such a good scent. its one of those things you just want to hold in a ball and bury your nose in all day.
aaahhhhhhhhhh
hehehe, i got off track there. sorry maties about being gone for so long. i was out and about. but hey, the main focous should be the fact that i'm back home again!
lol
i also devised this clever scheme, which involved:
1.)returning the laptop to its original owner...hehehehe
2.)buying my own computer
3.)taking the keyboard, removing it from the desk
4.)ingenously placing it in my lap, whilst i sit i a papasan chair

aaahhh, its like padded-wicker-basket heaven.

also i've been idling the time away with...

(school)

and laurel.

she's another great girl and both her wrists and her hair smell like spring. aaah, she let me sniff em too!
lol, i love the way girls smell, like little flowers, their hair is always glossy, and so soft to touch.
i feel like such a child again, sorry but i'm still a tad out of it righ tnow.
but FEAR NOT, i'lll be over it in the customary......

3 hours.
give or take...

jsavages@excite.com — Fri, 21 Sep 2001 02:18:25 GMT

what an EXTRAORDINARY trip i had the other day.
i have no doubt in my mind that i lost probably a sizable chunk of my right and left brain, but you know what they say "stem cells today alzheimer's tomorrow"?
trafficking started up again, and courtney came over with so many little baggies of weed, codeine, ether, acid, and shrooms that i felt like i was in a ziploc commercial. we nearly smoked ourselves blind. all this took place in the wee hours of the dawn as well. which was great because we finally laid down on her roof and just watched the day drawl on around noon. i have to admit it was great, the utopia of it all. we both threw up once, and had some sever attacks of the munchies, but neither courtney or myself could operate our hands well enough to find the ladder. i was like a little puddle of asian goo, lacking the vertebrae to move at all.
before i headed on home, i stole me some acid for later use. which i did, watching some nick at night show, which seemed like a crazy 1970's rip off of the muppetts.
the insanity of yesterday was so incomprehensible, i even this morning in advanced physics class was still coming down. i was watching the water drop from a vat to the floor, and it seemed as if the floor itself was rippling. and the professor's voice seemed hazy, like a record player in an empty victorian house. incredible, just incredible.

70 DOLLARS!!! SAY IT AINT SO CLEMENTINE! SAY IT AINT SO!!

jsavages@excite.com — Fri, 14 Sep 2001 01:37:28 GMT

wretched terrorists! why the fuck did they HAVE to attack us? why not something along the lines of switzerland?! its only speckled with a few frozen post-viking peoples... and now jason is somewhere chasing a white horse around in the bowels of new york, however he made sure to leave me completely oblivious to his whereabouts. but i have no doubt that he's scouring the bronx for a good deal?(good luck getting those past airport security you idiot.)

and i'm waisting my day in the park, making calculations over the potential energy stored in the world trade center,
e = m g d, one thousand and a half (or so) meters high... gravity, 9.8 meters/second.. but then there is some drag or "wind resistance" to account for. so i'll be conservative and say 9. and then mass? i don't know. but i could guess that it was around 6 million pounds. weight, i've never been good with that. wow, this is pathetic. part of me wants to do calculus over again because i'm constantly doing equations in my head.. on napkins. and even though i often end up a few decimals off because there is that damned human "error" involved... but math one, two and pre cal.. i god those down pat.. i merely find it odd that i grasped the domino effect in mathematical induction in precal, and the algebraic concepts in math 2. but then there are those max-min problems, and my understanding goes to the extent where i can figure out the problem, and see how to handle it, but fuck up when i'm trying to figure out the slope of the third axis if thehe base of a triangle is on the x-axis, one side lies along the line y = 3x, and the third side passes through the point (1,1).
i'd love to just coward and say "i'll buy a calculator" but that implies that i can't do mathmatics. and i CAN i know i fucking can.
so now, i suppose i really dwell on math.
because its the one demon i still have to defeat.
i wish i was back there, with chris, roseanne, and laura. good people, good people.
sweet marian of jesus, i wish i had some uppers right now, thats what i would have appreciated. but not only is trafficking stopped, but security has tightened to the point where one joint, is 70 dollars! i don't think i would be melodramatic if i began convulsing right now.

however, aside from the obvious, i've had some time to myself lately. seeing as how my parents revoked the tv soon after my "dissapearance". frankly, i have yet to miss its presence. exploiting the moment of perpetual silence, i turned my stereo up to a volume which without a doubt, registered on the rector scale. i think i'm finally beginning to comprehend the energy stored in noise (waves). to me, i feel somewhat like helen keller (before her radical socialist years), groping to find the truth in something physical. yet, somehow the bass vibrating my chest like a drum in a punk rock tune has helped me grasp that concept.

i feel like i've achieved something worth living for, yes..

today was a good day.

but i want me some weed, some mdma, some uppers, some downers, laughers, sunshine tablets, ether, opium, blotter tabs, injections..anything, my head hurts.
i'm thinking too much.

p0rnography o.O;;

jsavages@excite.com — Fri, 14 Sep 2001 00:52:58 GMT

hrumph, boston public. just another drop in the quckly forming puddle of public brodcasting, created to satisfy the sexually overactive teen mind.

hello miss cleo.

jsavages@excite.com — Wed, 12 Sep 2001 01:51:40 GMT

i find it impressive, my clairvoyancy. for posting the soldier poem. and now this american chaos.
today work was monotonous, being a cashier wasn't exactly the most rewarding job i could have chosen. however, i do get a fascinating variety of people who bumble my way, grandmothers, mothers, fathers, children too short in stature to reach the counter, drug addicts with the muchies, age old friends, enemies, acquaintances, relatives.. (most of them had an ashen expression on their faces, too wrapped up in emotion.)
but then there are those droning moments, which unfortunately last forever. the entire day seemed to be comprised of that, a matter of fact. i could count all of the customers on one hand today.

perhaps president bush (and his I.Q. of 96) failed to stimulate the economy, and put us in a greater hole that we began. however, i could have told you that. would happen....

there are times in life where my cynicism gets me farther than my optimism ever could have. as for today, my cynicism told me to get high before i reached my own door step, i got off work at five, and found sean at five fifteen.. bumming cigarettes off of high school kids, and dealing the usual to college students. he was glad to cut me a deal, seeing as how i was "merely a store clerk"... i made my way to hamlin park and sat for a while underneath a great oak tree, just letting my being absorb the colors around me and comprehend all that was impossible. ordinarily i would have felt ashamed to bump into tasha in that condition. but no inhibitions.

therefore it didn?t' matter when she did.

i love that girl, feminine beauty, loyalty, and a wild side in one body.

the entire concept blows my mind sometimes. but then again, the same thing happens when i try to comprehend infinity

soldier

jsavages@excite.com — Sun, 09 Sep 2001 18:24:38 GMT

uniforms
rank upon rank
of home-grown, hand-shaped
living, breathing
tin.
manufactured by the mothers and fathers of the
good old US of A
and
like any work of art
it's hard to give them up
knowing that your only payment will be a paper
star for you window or a bundle of flag-shrouded
flesh.

earth shudders and bucks trying to shake off the
parasitic humans who spoil her gifts
and defile the galaxy with their descriminations
and hatred
shroud star-song with petrol pillars
smoggy gray curtains
the winds carry the ashes of hatred, withering
all it touches
star song
sky song
missile song
blast song

blackout

fear song.
recipe for the shell-shocked calm:
don't get too attached to anything
your gun
your pack
your pal
your arm

your life

surviving means

kill or be killed

means

loosing yourself

for the greater good

means

following orders

means
if they pull a trigger, you shoot
and you
don't
ask

questions.

insanity in houston

jsavages@excite.com — Sun, 09 Sep 2001 01:05:25 GMT

A broken file i recovered from my days residing with Sasha:
At the peak of this journey I had a totally paradigm-shattering experience that I am at a loss to interpret even still, several days afterwards. I was lying on my bed, incense and ceremonial candles alight, meditating. The air seemed to grow somehow thick, as though pregnant with energy, like a thundercloud about to burst. My visual acuity seemed to sharpen at the same time, as I looked at my hand and began to be able to make out tiny iridescent curlicues that were superimposed as if upon a clear scrim on top of everything that I saw. Then automatically, as if by instinct, I began to manipulate my eye muscles in a manner very similar to the technique used to view those ?magic eye? 3-D images, where you un-focus your eyes and attempt to look through the gibberish image to see the real picture. When I did this, the curlicues suddenly sprang into strong three-dimensional relief, and were revealed to be translucent, iridescent tentacles or tendrils of some sort that looked like they were formed out of ectoplasm. The room was electric with a sense of presence, and I followed the line of these tendrils away from my hand to their source. I was utterly unprepared for what I saw when I did so...

Floating in the corner of my room was an enormous, shimmering, translucent, opalescent, octopoid/jellyfish-like creature from which the tentacles protruded! My initial reaction was one of disbelief mixed with a substantial degree of fear. However, the thing immediately began to caress me with its tendrils as if to reassure me, and my apprehension completely melted away. Amazingly, I actually perceived a gentle, soothing pressure against my skin as it caressed me like a child! As it touched me I felt its consciousness partially merge with mine, and I was then flooded with a sense of love unlike anything I have ever experienced before or even imagined to be possible. Comparing any experience of transcendence that I had previously had to this is like trying to compare a candle to the sun. I had the sense that this was a guardian angel or something similar who was always with me, watching over me, and it was absolutely overjoyed that I could finally perceive and communicate with it directly. I was so moved by this that I wept openly with joy for a large portion of the time. I lay there soaking up its affection for nearly half an hour before it eventually vanished. The trip began to gradually, gently decline shortly afterwards.

Today as I sit here writing this, I am still as stunned and amazed by this as I was then. I have had plenty of entity contacts in the disembodied domain of DMT, but this thing tangibly coexisted in the same physical spacetime matrix as my body and the rest of consensus reality, which is a new one on me! I am really baffled as to how to interpret and integrate this. Input from anyone who may have had similar experiences would be gratefully welcomed.

joey is alive..

jsavages@excite.com — Fri, 07 Sep 2001 01:41:44 GMT

and enjoying life.
[thus far]

has a nice room.
[lots of light]
[sound proofed walls]

has a nice guitar.
[accoustic]
or
[electrik]
[take your pick]

has met very cool people.
["lets break away, just tonight"]
["where to?"]
["just try not to think about
that until you're there"]

and is very tired.

also is walking around a lot.
["maybe i'm lost"]
["no, you're just waiting to be found"]

life is good.
[to you..]

le grande commnunity college

jsavages@excite.com — Wed, 05 Sep 2001 02:50:22 GMT

well, the first day at le grande community college went over smoothly. there was an [for lack of a better word] diverse gathering of souls. but i suppose we're all striving towards the same goal, to improve our futures. perhaps that?s my subconscious goal, i've never really given it much thought. i've placed so much value on my free time that i often neglect to contemplate the future. 'living off the cuff' seems to be quite ideal for me though, despite a few glitches here and there, i have no regrets-- however at the moment, its already apparent that i'm merely using this college as an entertainment factor, to ward off boredom.
i had contemplated originally to return to high school, but nixed the idea after realizing how STUPID of me it would be, to willingly toss myself back into that animal farm....to wallow in the troughs, with those filthy beasts for another year [or two].
i have no doubt that there would be benefits here and there, namely tasha. oh, if only i had classes with her, if only. [even now i surprise myself with how overwhelming my sense of emotion can be.] however in the end, the cons outweigh the pros too dramatically [to return to high school]. perhaps it would be ideal if i could seek out a school, which refined and honed talents, with adequate stimulation and education; without burdening the soul with homework. yes, that would be ideal, i think i'd probably cream my pants if i ever found something like that. i'd be so unimaginably blissful, euphoric in a place of learning where i would achieve what the state has dubbed a "valid education". heheh, a "special" school for "special" children, i can feel the stereotype forming right now-pocket protectors, overwhelming competition for chess club, thick framed glasses with taped nose bridges. yes, that is my heaven. i am geeky.

second attempt

jsavages@excite.com — Mon, 03 Sep 2001 05:59:54 GMT

well, that first entry was all in VAIN, pooey farp. ok, i'll try this "documentary" business again. and if i fail...well then shit. [truthfully, i have nothing better to do.]
so..then i suppose it would be best to start from the beginning, this morning. which, was rather uneventful, aside from a letter from sarah asking for her lap-top back. hehe, my common sense says i should return it, seeing as how i am sending it to hell in a handbag. spilled pudding a la keyboard, which i licked up-- re-wired hard drive. yeah i think if i sent it back in its current state she'd fly all the way here just to maul me.
by the time i had finished writing a response to sarah it was noon, so i gathered up my clothing from several past weeks, which has been accumulating in a clump in my closet; and threw it in the laundry room. my horoscope says that it will get washed by my mother, who's love is boundless for her only son. actually, that wasn't in fact verbatim [i simply construed it as such] to the exact horoscope, it was more along the lines of:
Earths blue water will make schoolwork a good preoccupation, even though you might not enjoy it. Take sometime to just relax and tend to your body. You can't always be the center of attention but you can try to be. Just sit it out people will become interested. Give your partner some time to get everything in order. Life is much more colorful when you can see the world through somebody else's eyes. Your financial outlook for today is better than it was yesterday. Your lucky number for today is 1.
however, i'm getting that creeping suspicion that perhaps these people a the daily-horoscope.com are just making their predictions for my day extremely bland and nondescript so that it will be more likely to be accurate.

anyhow, i went down to bumbershoot today and caught mxpx live. personal advice to those whom enjoy music:
never see mxpx live.

sure i never liked that whole up-beat-pop-punk style, but i had that epiphany that they are a step up from a garage band. their melodies lacked maturity or development, and showed signs of redundancy. as well as a general lack of knowledge for the structure of a song, no real rising actions, no breaking in rules. its chorus's and bridges were really no good. lyrics were of a teens mentality, and the sound crew should have been shot because the bass in the drums and bass guitar caused dissonance and drowned out the lyrical melody.
so all in all i had fun jumping up and down in the key arena pit and compiling a giant list of complaints. [i believe it was then that i realized what i whiner i am.] i also got to crowd surf a few times, and somebody tried to steal my wallett. vultures.
i also met up with tasha whilst there, and she seemed to be quite drawn towards the music. and so we stuck togather through out the show. i've always found it endearing how for the several concerts that we've gone to, she ends up leaning against me, resting in my arms. i suppose that sense of trust is a really attractive quality to me.
aside from that the day was pretty redundant, we bumbled about the stalls for a few hours, looking at all the bohemian goods. and eventually i convinced her to run in the fountains with me, [i find it odd, however that even in a drought they will turn the fountains on?a little practicality people, practicality-] and around eight oclock we caught a metro bus home. the looks people gave us, as water drained out of our shoes was classic.

first time jitters

jsavages@excite.com — Mon, 03 Sep 2001 05:15:44 GMT

well, i've re written, this paragraph several times. the redundancy of it all is starting to get to me. i can see already that its too difficult to work around this mental blockade, and simply write freely. so, i suppose ultimately i should just post this entry, breif as it may be--hehe, breif, underwear..behwhahahahaaa.
ok, i'm fine.